Nobody looks after a ghost

A sick ghost has a problem, as serious as their illness. And the older you get, the more this issue weighs on you.

The first thing I’ve learned in my new life is that becoming a ghost without relying on luck or ending up in ruin takes one of two things: solid resources or meticulous planning. I have to think ahead if I don’t want to be at the mercy of circumstance, and sometimes that planning needs to stretch years into the future.

My lifestyle has always been as healthy as it gets: I’ve never smoked, drunk, or touched drugs, and I steer clear of coffee or sugary drinks. I started hitting the gym hard at 30 (I’m 53 now) and haven’t stopped since. My diet’s built on vegetables, grains, eggs, and fatty fish—salt and sugar don’t exist in my world.

I’m in really good shape for my age, but even so, I’ve got some issues I just have to live with. I was born with back problems that flare up every year or two, leaving me practically disabled for a few days. And my long years as a professional massage therapist have left me with chronic injuries and pain that never let up, day or night. If it weren’t for fitness, I don’t know how I’d cope.

For now, it’s quite manageable. Day to day, I’ve got no real limitations; pain’s just part of the package, like anything else. But what happens when I’m older? Will I still be able to handle what I deal with now? Will it get worse? Will new problems crop up? How bad will they be? When I’m 60, 70, 80, will I still have the physical strength to face them completely on my own?

My lifestyle’s healthy, and as long as I’ve got some money, I will be able to afford decent health insurance. But that’s no guarantee of anything. The whole point of being a ghost is cutting every tie—family, friends, any social or emotional safety net that could catch you in a pinch.

If the day comes when I genuinely can’t fend for myself—and that’s a very real possibility—the only way to stretch out my life might be to hire professional help, someone to look after me daily. But that’s the exact opposite of the disconnected life I’ve chosen, so it’d be a hard call to make.

I’ve got to think about it, and I’ve got to steel myself for the day I might have to make that choice. I’ve already decided to live as a ghost, and I’m on it. But one day, I might have to decide if I’m ready to die as one too.